Health Happiness & Heels

Prior to gaining 70 pounds while pregnant and then finding myself in a 5 plus year struggle to lose all that baby weight (yes I am still calling it that), I used to love getting dressed up, wearing heels and getting out on the town.  During my pregnancy and going through all of the changes my body went through I started being hard on myself.  I stopped running and paying attention to what I ate.  I became very unhealthy and in turn unhappy with myself.  

When I had my son I was a 26-year-old single mom who moved back in with her parents.  Talk about adding to the ever so quick decline in my self-esteem.   Once my son was born he was my primary focus and everything else came after him.  I put my health, my well-being, my cleanliness and myself last (washing my hair became more of a luxury than a necessity).  I fell into a serious rut that lasted for about 2 years.  I remember seeing all these moms at the pool in their cute swim suits and here I was refusing to take my cover up off.  I joined a gym and started running again.  I lost a good amount of weight doing this but I still wasn’t fully paying attention to what I ate.

I met my now husband when I was working two jobs and had no time to eat.  I was the skinniest I had been post pregnancy but still had about 15 pounds to lose.  This man thought (hopefully still does) that I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and he told me regularly.  He told me I was sexy, say what?!  I had not heard that before in my life.  As expected I stopped running and found myself spending my free time with this new wonderful man instead.  Over the course of dating and getting married we were eating out a lot and I was not exercising again.  What I was cooking was fairly healthy but I still wasn’t paying much attention to it.  I gained about 15 pounds back.

Fast forward to this past December.  My son decided that he was ready to be a big brother and began asking for a baby.  One day right before Christmas he looked at me and said, “Mommy your food baby is too big my baby brother / sister won’t fit in your belly too!”   I smiled at him but felt a piece of me die inside.  I cried for three days.  Then my sweet little boy asked me why my skin hung over my pants on the side.  I am 5’7 and was about 170 pounds. Before my pregnancy I was about 135 pounds.  

Now I know it is not about the number on the scale or the number on the inside tag of my pants.  I was out of breath just walking up the stairs. I actually went to the hospital once last year for severe stomach pains due to an infection in my intestines.  I did not go to my sister-in-law's bridal shower because I could not find one thing to put on that I felt comfortable in.  I used to love love wearing heels as proven by the boxes and boxes of Michael Kors heels in my closet, beautiful heels I have not even put on in 5 years.   Okay I used to have a bit of a shoe obsession.  This shoe obsession died with my self-confidence and self worth.  I was physically, mentally and emotionally unhealthy.  

While I still have a belly I feel myself starting to love who I am again.  Finding the confidence in myself has had a huge impact on my entire well being, I love trying new and healthy ways to eat the foods that I love and I love having the confidence to wear my heels again!   Change your mindset change your whole being.  I am every woman who has ever doubted herself, lost herself, was told she wasn’t good enough, or who just needs a push to put on those heels and strut her sexy self!  


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