Prior to gaining 70 pounds while pregnant and then finding myself in a 5 plus year struggle to lose all that baby weight (yes I am still calling it that), I used to love getting dressed up, wearing heels and getting out on the town. During my pregnancy and going through all of the changes my body went through I started being hard on myself. I stopped running and paying attention to what I ate. I became very unhealthy and in turn unhappy with myself.
When I had my son I was a 26-year-old single mom who moved back in with her parents. Talk about adding to the ever so quick decline in my self-esteem. Once my son was born he was my primary focus and everything else came after him. I put my health, my well-being, my cleanliness and myself last (washing my hair became more of a luxury than a necessity). I fell into a serious rut that lasted for about 2 years. I remember seeing all these moms at the pool in their cute swim suits and here I was refusing to take my cover up off. I joined a gym and started running again. I lost a good amount of weight doing this but I still wasn’t fully paying attention to what I ate.
I met my now husband when I was working two jobs and had no time to eat. I was the skinniest I had been post pregnancy but still had about 15 pounds to lose. This man thought (hopefully still does) that I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and he told me regularly. He told me I was sexy, say what?! I had not heard that before in my life. As expected I stopped running and found myself spending my free time with this new wonderful man instead. Over the course of dating and getting married we were eating out a lot and I was not exercising again. What I was cooking was fairly healthy but I still wasn’t paying much attention to it. I gained about 15 pounds back.
Fast forward to this past December. My son decided that he was ready to be a big brother and began asking for a baby. One day right before Christmas he looked at me and said, “Mommy your food baby is too big my baby brother / sister won’t fit in your belly too!” I smiled at him but felt a piece of me die inside. I cried for three days. Then my sweet little boy asked me why my skin hung over my pants on the side. I am 5’7 and was about 170 pounds. Before my pregnancy I was about 135 pounds.
Now I know it is not about the number on the scale or the number on the inside tag of my pants. I was out of breath just walking up the stairs. I actually went to the hospital once last year for severe stomach pains due to an infection in my intestines. I did not go to my sister-in-law's bridal shower because I could not find one thing to put on that I felt comfortable in. I used to love love wearing heels as proven by the boxes and boxes of Michael Kors heels in my closet, beautiful heels I have not even put on in 5 years. Okay I used to have a bit of a shoe obsession. This shoe obsession died with my self-confidence and self worth. I was physically, mentally and emotionally unhealthy.
While I still have a belly I feel myself starting to love who I am again. Finding the confidence in myself has had a huge impact on my entire well being, I love trying new and healthy ways to eat the foods that I love and I love having the confidence to wear my heels again! Change your mindset change your whole being. I am every woman who has ever doubted herself, lost herself, was told she wasn’t good enough, or who just needs a push to put on those heels and strut her sexy self!